


That's All I'm Good For

by xLittleNiallerx



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kogan - Freeform, M/M, Rape, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 19:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLittleNiallerx/pseuds/xLittleNiallerx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's the truth, Kenny. You are beautiful both inside and out. You're not worthless, and you never will be."</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's All I'm Good For

_"No! Daddy, stop please!" Kendall begged his father as he kicked for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. Pain shot through Kendall's small body as he skidded to a stop across the room._

_He knew that his father was drunk off his ass and pissed as hell about something. Kendall didn't know what was wrong with his father, and he really didn't want to know; he knew that if he asked, he would get beat up even more for it. He had never been so glad that his mom and sister were out of the house._

_His mother was at work, and Katie was at her friend's house for a sleepover. He was happy that his mom and sister were safe from his angry father. He didn't know what he would do if they were here as well; though he knew that if they were, his father wouldn't beat him._

_He always liked to beat Kendall in private, that way no one could help him._

_No one knew about the abuse, and he wanted to keep it that way. He knew that he was a useless little shit; at least that's what his father told him every time he started to abuse Kendall. He knew that he should probably tell someone that his father abused of him when no one was home._

_But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He tried on multiple occasions to tell someone, but he chickened out every time. He didn't want to face the consequences that he knew would come his way if his father were to find out that he told someone._

_"Quiet, you worthless, little shit head," his father, David Knight, growled at him. "You want the neighbours to hear you? You fine well know what happens if they do."_

_Kendall cowardly backed away towards the wall, trying to get away from his father. Even though he was only ten years old, Kendall knew that he had to protect his family from his violent father. He knew that if he died his father would take it out on his mother and sister; that's why he was still hanging on –to protect them._

_As his father moved closer and closer to him, Kendall moved his arms to protect his head from the blow that he knew was about to be delivered. He was so tired of all the abuse, on more than one occasion, he thought about running away from his home. But he couldn't risk his father finding him, for he knew that when he did find him, the abuse would get ten times worse. He knew it was selfless to do that, but he couldn't risk his father hurting him more then he already was._

_Kendall was brought out of his thoughts when he felt his father punch him square in the jaw. He tenderly brought his hand to where his father had hit him. He knew that there would most likely be a bruise there later. He realised that his dad had brought him out of the corner and thrown him to the floor. Within seconds, David was on top of Kendall; punching and kicking him wherever he could reach._

_Kendall wanted to cry out in pain, but he knew that he had to stay quiet. He didn't want the neighbours to hear him, and he didn't want to give David the satisfaction of knowing that he was hurting him. He would never give the bastard that luxury; never in a million years._

_Tears filled Kendall's light green eyes as David kicked him one last time. Then he stumbled up the stairs to his bedroom. Kendall waited until he heard the door of his parents' bedroom close before he let a loud sob and curled in on himself._

_It hurt so badly and he didn't want to move, but he knew that he had to get cleaned up before his mom got home. If she saw him like this and his dad found out, he would be hurt even more. Kendall didn't know how much more or his father's abuse he could take. Sure, he was tough, but there was only so much even he could handle._

_Before he could even move, the front door opened and his mom walked in._

_"Kendall, I'm–" She gasped when she saw her son lying on the floor, covered in an array of bruises. She quickly made her way to his side and gently lifted him into her arms, being mindful of the bruises. "Baby, what happened?"_

_Before he could answer his mother, the door to his parents' room opened and his father came stumbling out. As soon as Kendall saw his father, he shrank back into his mother's loving embrace. Mrs. Knight didn't need Kendall to tell her that his father had done this to him; his reaction was enough._

_When David saw that his worthless son was in his mother's arms, he glared at the boy._

_"I thought I told you the first time not to tell anybody! And to make sure that you were cleaned up and presentable before your mother got home!" David bellowed as he took a step towards the pair._

_Jennifer immediately tightened her hold on her trembling son, protecting him from his father. David gave her a hard glare._

_"Jen, move," he said through gritted teeth. He was going to make Kendall wish that he had never been born. He told that little shit to be mindful of his actions, but now he had disobeyed and he was going to make his worthless son pay for what he had done._

_"No," she said, her voice strong with determination as she tightened her hold on her shaking son._

_David growled as he took a step towards the pair, determined to get to that worthless little– Wait. Where did they go? Mr. Knight did a full 360-degree circle. When he couldn't see either them, he made a beeline for the stairs._

_He checked the bathroom and all of the bedrooms but one; his son's room. He didn't think to open the door like a normal person; he was so angry that he just kicked down the door. He smirked when he saw his son and his wife huddled in the corner; Kendall with his face buried in his mother's chest, whimpering in fear._

_David loved it when the little brat got scared; to him it meant that Kendall knew who was in charge of him._

_Ever since Kendall was born, David had treated him like shit. He had never wanted a son; he'd always pictured himself raising a daughter, never a son. So when Jen had told him that she was pregnant, you could imagine how excited he had been. He would finally get the daughter that he had always wanted._

_But when he had found out that Jen was having a boy… well… all that excitement he had felt at finally becoming a father went out the window. He knew that he could've just left Jen on her own to raise the little brat, but he decided to be nice. When Kendall was born, he had pretended to be happy for the sake of his wife and his marriage._

_He had started abusing the little shit when he had turned three years old. At first, the abuse hadn't been that bad; just a slap across the face or a really bad spanking when the boy got out of line. But as Kendall got older, the abuse got worse. David didn't just physically abuse Kendall; he emotionally abused of him and on occasion, when David was really pissed off… he would sexually abuse of Kendall as well._

_He remembered the first time that he had ever touched the little brat in that way. Kendall had gotten an 'F' on his report card, and he had needed to learn his lesson. David knew that the beatings that he gave his son wouldn't be enough. So he had done the lowest thing that a human could possibly do… He had raped his own son._

_He would never forget the pain that had been written all over Kendall's face, but he didn't care. Kendall had needed to learn his lesson. But David hadn't stopped at just raping his son once. No, he had raped Kendall multiple times when he knew that his wife and daughter would be gone for the weekend, and it would be just the two of them._

_He felt an evil smile creep onto his face as he made his way closer to the two that were curled up against each other in the corner. He reached down and grabbed a hold of the shaking boy, pulling him up by his golden blond hair. Kendall let out a loud scream as his father lifted him off of the floor and out of his mother's arms. Tears gathered in the blond boy's eyes. David smirked at seeing the tears as he swung his arm back and threw Kendall down the stairs._

_"Kendall!" Mrs. Knight screamed as Kendall landed at the bottom of the stairs. Kendall moaned as pain hit his entire body. Jen made a move to go and help her son, but David blocked her way._

_"David, please," she whimpered, "I need to know that he's okay."_

_"Nope," David said with an evil smile as he went to go and torture Kendall some more, but Jen bolted out of the room and down the steps. She gently picked up her son, being mindful of his injured body._

_She struggled, but she managed to get him out of the house. She was two seconds away from her car when David came charging up behind and grabbed Kendall out of his mother's arms for the second time since this had all started._

_"Mama!" he yelled, reaching out for his mom, but David yanked them apart. He lifted Kendall up, and then slammed him down hard on the ground. Kendall let out a blood-curdling scream as pain shoot through his entire body._

_Tears were running down his face as his father stocked over to him again. Kendall whimpered as he tried to get away from his father. He looked around for his mother; seeing that she wasn't anywhere in sight, he breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that she had gotten away from his father._

_He felt him kick him in the ribs._

_David looked at his son with an evil smirk as he grabbed something from his jacket pocket that he had been wearing. Kendall's eyes widened when he saw that his father had pulled out a gun from his jacket. David gave him an evil look; he hadn't planned on killing the boy but Jen finding out that he abused the little faggot was the last straw._

_He gave his son one last glare, aimed the gun at Kendall and his finger on the trigger, then-_

Kendall woke up with a start, tears running down his face. He felt himself being pressed up against someone's chest; strong, protective arms wrapping around his shaking form. Kendall's first thought was to scream, but he held it back when he realised that the arms around him belonged to his boyfriend Logan.

Kendall turned around so he was facing Logan. He buried his face in Logan's chest as the sobs began to make their way up his throat. He tucked his head into the crook of Logan's neck as the tears began to fall.

"Ssh, Kenny, it's okay. It was just a nightmare," Logan whispered in Kendall's ear as he tightened his arms around the younger boy. Logan knew what Kendall's dad had done to him, and if the bastard wasn't already rotting in jail, Logan would beat the shit out of him and make sure that he was locked for good. His opinion was that Kendall's dad had gotten away too easily for what he had done to Kendall.

After Jennifer had found out about what David was doing to their son, and he had found Kendall hiding in his room –huddled in his mother's arms– David had dragged the blond boy off of the room by his hair, before throwing him down the stairs. He had dragged Kendall outside, before he beat him up within an inch of his life and shot him.

Fortunately for Kendall, Jen had managed to escape and she had called the police from a neighbour's house. When the cops showed up, they had pulled David off of the bruised and bleeding boy. They had managed to stop the bleeding from where David had shot Kendall. Thankfully, the bullet hadn't gotten in too far, but if the doctors and police had arrived any later, Kendall most likely wouldn't have made it.

Kendall didn't know what had happened when the police had arrested his dad –nobody had told him. They had really just wanted him to focus on getting better. But that was easier said than done. It had taken Kendall months to recover from the trauma that his father had caused him, and even then, he still had the flashbacks and nightmares of his past.

"L-Logie," Kendall whimpered, bringing Logan out of his thoughts.

"I'm here, baby," Logan whispered, bringing his hand up to cup Kendall's face. "He can't hurt you anymore. I won't let him."

Logan carefully sat up against the headboard of their bed and pulled Kendall up with him so that he could place the whimpering boy in his lap and wrap his arms protectively around his boyfriend. Logan had a habit of doing that every time Kendall had a nightmare about his past.

Kendall didn't mind when Logan did that; it made him feel safe and loved whenever Logan did that.

"I-it felt so real," Kendall whimpered as he buried his face in Logan's chest. "I-if I wasn't so u-useless, then I would have been a-able to s-stand u-up for m-myself."

"You're not useless, Kenny, and you're not weak. I know that's what you're thinking, but it's not true," Logan said into a stern but soft voice. Kendall let out a little sob as he pressed himself even farther into Logan's chest.

"B-But all I'm good for is for being a p-punching b-bag." Kendall sobbed as the tears started flowing faster down his face.

"No you're not, Boo-Bear. Don't listen to what David told you. You're worth so much more than that," Logan said, sitting Kendall up a bit so that he could see the emerald green eyes that he loved so much.

"I-I guess," Kendall whispered, looking at his hands.

"It's the truth, Kenny. You are beautiful both inside and out. You're not worthless, and you never will be," Logan said as he brushed back Kendall's golden blond hair from his eyes. "You have to trust me, love. What your father thinks of you doesn't matter; it's what you think of yourself that matters."

Kendall smiled and wiped the tears from his eyes as he leaned up and kissed Logan, before pulling away and giving the older boy a smile.

"Thank you, Logie-Bear," Kendall said as he wrapped his arms around Logan's neck.

"You're welcome, Kenny."

Kendall pushed Logan back a bit so that the brunet was lying on his back. Logan smiled softly as he felt the younger boy climb on top of him.

"I love you, Logie," Kendall whispered before resting his head on Logan's chest as he started to fall back to sleep.

"I love you too, Boo-Bear," Logan whispered, before nuzzling Kendall's hair and falling asleep himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I original posted this on FF.net but I thought I'd post it here too since got a really good response. So enjoy.


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